You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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