So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
