So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
