The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
