i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize