Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
