Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
