I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
