I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
