if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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