Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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