I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize