ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
