She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize