My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
