I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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