i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
