it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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