I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
