and you said cock pushups were impossible
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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