Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
