Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
