Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
