I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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