That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
