I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
