i think my mom watched the whole time
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
