You're completely useless in the revolution.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Found the puke drawer
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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