I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
