I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
