I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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