awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
