break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You need a sexual gate keeper
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
