He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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