My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
