so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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