Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
