ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
