i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we're making bets on your personal life
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
