So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
