never play flip cup with pint glasses
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
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