he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize