Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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