What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
