you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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