i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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