Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Drunk is not a location!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
