Where did you get a picture of my penis
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
