THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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