he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize