I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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