Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
