Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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