So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
