I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
two words: eviction party
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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