I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
