have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
