My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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