Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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