if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
