Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
