Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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