So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
