She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
