everyone is single if you try hard enough
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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