we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And then he peed in my hair
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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