2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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