I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
