Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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