So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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