why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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