...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
