So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
