first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize