Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
