Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
