If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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