You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just pynch a tree in the face
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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