I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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