party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
