Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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