Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
