How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
