Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
