He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
