haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
