so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
