You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
