And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
