Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This is classic penis vs brain.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
