if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
