Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
