So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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