I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He passed out mid-signature
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
