That's when you crack a 10am beer
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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