I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
