Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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