Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I am midnight drunk by noon
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
