I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
