Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
