i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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