Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
