Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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