I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize