I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
