You really coming over, don't trick.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
