I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
