it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize