You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
