not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize