I want to have your abortion
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
