New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
