Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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