I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
