omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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