HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
