Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
