wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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