Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize